he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize