I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
