she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
