i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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