Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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