All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize