i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
