yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
