My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
