Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
