I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
