I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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