I heard we made out
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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