herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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