Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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