i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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