He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
