the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
