Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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