dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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