I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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