I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
