when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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