anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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