i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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