I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
