just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize