I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
