Sry I called you an 8
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We need to get me chipped asap
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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