I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
