tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When are your genitals available?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
