I can text with my tongue
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
