i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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