i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
only you would photoshop your dick
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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