how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
