I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just sucked dick on a ferry
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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