It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
