i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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