what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
even my farts smell like vagina
operation harelip BJ is a go
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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