We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
