No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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