1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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