ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
