He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
