if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
