it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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