I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
