There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
