all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
