How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do vagina's smell?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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