just come out here and I will go home with you...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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