OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
