Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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