If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i have two assholes
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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