i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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