I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize