you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
