i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
