she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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