Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
