Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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