Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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