In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
